Right, so there used to be pictures on this blog...there might be again, honest...but as Wednesdays have shifted from pics to me blabbing away, might as well make it a little more formal.
Today, for that first Random Thought, I delved deep to catch that fleeting nano-second long idea that I woke up having. It's been rambling around my brain for a while. Usually it comes up for air if I'm sitting around with old friends and alcohol, hashing out what the hell I'm doing with my life and why...
It's a big WHY.
Why am I not teaching.
My hanai mom, my father, and my older brother keep asking. I keep telling them I'm waiting for "No Teacher Left Standing" to be over, for all the schools that will be closed in Washington to be closed, for present teachers to be redistributed, for my credential to be renewed, for the Mayan Calendar to be reset...I don't know--is what I mean.
When the aforementioned old friends and alcohol are around.
Have you ever had a really big strong gut wrenching reaction to something that made you drop everything and just walk away? I think I have. It was the day that my X did what I'd asked him not to.
Stepping into the "WAY BACK" machine, back when the student loans were being paid off, I told him the debt to get my credential happened before we were married. He DID NOT have to pay it off. Especially if it would come back to haunt me. DO NOT BE LIKE MY PARENTS, who would lord things over on me when it came to buying me things or paying for them. "Is that how you treat the (fill in the blank) I bought you!" Whether it be a pen or a gold ring (HA HA HA, my parents buy me rings? Moving on.) or paying their share of my college tuition...oh god, that's a story in itself. They paid exactly 1/8th of it. And that 1/8th was such an albatross that I told them to keep their money after the 2nd year. If I could scramble the 9/8ths of it on my own (thank you work study and fee grants) I would "save their contribution for a rainy day).
You get the idea, right?
So flash a little forward to the trials and tribulations of my divorce arguments. Among all the "settling of scores" my X felt he deserved the proceeds to half the house (which, I've said before, not one of his pennies went to pay for) because they would be a START on the repayment for the student loans. "I paid for your Master's Degree."
The same program gave me my teaching credential. You know, that career I walked away from almost smack in the middle of the year? Yeah...I never said I DIDN'T lose it, you know.
One night, not too long ago I finally voiced this thought to my friends. I feel like packing up that credential and MA and sending it off to Hawai'i and getting his share of the house money back. Fair exchange? In fact he gets more for it, as that piece of parchment was half as much more than the cash he got. Let him choke on it. Maybe the bitter feeling I have about stepping into a classroom will go away? I dunno.
It's a random thought that I have quite a bit as I'm getting myself ready for another day of mindless drudgery. Teaching does at least exercise your brain, which is more than I can say for what I'm doing right now. I miss it terribly. Only, when I think of teaching AGAIN, in future or present tenses? I feel a little too much bitter to swallow. I feel angry. I feel cheated and betrayed, as I did this morning when I first sat down to share my thought.