Wednesday, September 30, 2015

I think I'm Broken

So you know that feeling, when you fall off your bike as an adult and you really want your mommy?  I'm totally with you on that one.  Any mommy will do so long as they hug you and put that very important over-sized band aid on your owie.

But when I'm sick?  Not like a cold sick, because everyone wants to stay away then anyway, but like, my head hurts so much really I'm just touch-typing so forgive any odd errors? And please don't turn on the lights, they hurt  my eyes... That kind of sick?  As soon as I think how awesome a psychic link to a parental-like unit would be and could they come take care of me...almost immediately I wince...and then I wince again because MY HEAD HURTS! DON'T MOVE IT THAT WAY! And think ugh, no, please everyone just leave me alone in my misery.

And the people around me (not literally, because see above I've sent them away, I mean, like the ones I know) look at me all strange that I want to go lick my wounds (as it were) on my own instead of having someone fussing over me.  Why are you here?  What are you doing aside from feeling helpless because you can't do anything?  Because that's what I feel when I'm taking care of you, you know...but like any time I'm called on to look after someone.  Even when I know I can cook you a meal or draw you a bath or make your bed, the entire time I'm thinking I'm totally useless because none of this is easing your pain or making you feel better.  I can't take that away directly so what good am I doing?  (I did mention broken?)

So it must be that others don't feel this way, even when they're trying (and I'm not letting them) to tend to me.  They must feel...something.  It's no surprise to anyone that I didn't go into the medical profession, is it?

But I've been getting these SLAM YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD headaches way past allergy season, so I thought I'd note it down to keep track.  Today, yep, have one.  It's unusually warm (73 degrees predicted) for the end of September.  Maybe something is still blooming? My sinuses seem to think so.