Yesterday did nothing but reinforce my never-flagging doubt that meetings are bad, m'kay?
I ignored all the signs: my wrist was awash in purple ink, the recruiter was nowhere to be seen, the peeps I might have worked with were not looking me in the eye.
It wasn't so much of a rejection as a "status" meeting. What is a nice way to tell someone they are in last place? Don't bother, I don't think there is one. After the series of unfortunate events that has comprised my life these last few months I was just not as cool as they thought I was...I may have cried a little.
Mostly though? It was from frustration. What makes me not compatible with this position is the same one that will keep me stuck. I don't have enough book-learnin' to prove I can do the work. Somehow having a certificate/degree/mandate(?) proves that someone else can dictate policy better than me.
I'd believe that if I didn't already have a BA and MA under my belt. Let me tell you world, just because I proved to the university that I can sit through classes and write papers does not mean any of the stuff stuck. 'Member, I even WORKED IN MY FIELD after I grajeeated! If I'm not proof positive, how about the mouth-breather that just left the department? Tell me how helpful all her schooling was for how well she did.
Yeah, I'm bitter this morning. Which is better than sad and mopey and a little leaky...in my book.
But the problem at hand? His advice, as has been my team leader's advice from the start: take classes. I couldn't hold it in. I had to ask, "How do I take classes if I can't afford them?" Yes I did. I basically admitted that one of the reasons I was interested in the job was the higher wage because then I could actually afford to take a class or seven to help me out. But now it comes out that I need classes to get the higher position...that I can't get because I can't afford classes...
I knew from the beginning this might be a long shot...for that very reason, but I let people convince me that my experience was enough (almost 5 years of accounting stuffs!) to compensate. Or maybe the fact that a whole bunch of what I do now right now is review and dictate policy and keep things booked where they need to which is kinda closely enough to what I'd be doing...maybe...
So hey, forgive me for being a bit delusional when I thought that I might be able to compete with the edumicated...cuz having a Master's Degree from Stanford might say to someone that yeah, it's in the wrong subject, but um, maybe she's smart enough to like learn it on her own the way she's learned all about her current job? Hmm?
But you never know, the others on their list might spontaneously combust, or something!