Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I Miss Tahoe, and Moss Landing, and Hilo, and...

So I've been asked to gather some references...yes, things are getting kinda official.

I was kinda caught off guard!

No really! See, I've been so caught up filling-in for so many people that it didn't dawn on me that things were still happening in the "getting a real job" world. So all of a sudden I had to remember where my list of "peeps who have nothing but good things to say about me" was. And make sure their information was still up-to-date!

Finding the list was easy. Striking out was easy too.

Lord knows I have moved more times in the last decade than anyone else I know, except maybe Andy who seems to be competing with me. But email? I've kept one email the same since...ummm well, 1996 when my undergrad email was taken away and my grad school email was too temporary for me to feel like I could give it to employers. I've added other addresses over the last decade +1. So now-a-days it's my "junk mail" catch-all. Not spam, no, these are the "weekly flier" kind of emails. The coupons and ads and all that bother that comes from signing up to places where your "log in" isn't your email. Or you know, the email address you use for complaint letters to store managers and such. And of course, for people to always be able to find me.

I was getting kinda nervous after my second "Mail Delivery Subsystems" response. It hadn't been that long since the last time I used my list, after all. But I persevered and dug deep into the bowels of my 3000+ emails hoping for a trail to follow.

Boy did I fall into the nostalgia pit. I really must learn to delete emails. There were quick snippets from a co-teacher in Moss Landing, awful humor from Tahoe, rants and complaints from my students in Hilo, letters from my mom when I was in Mexico. I'm amazed at all the stuff I've been able to keep.

Then I really flipped...I have 4 in-boxes worth of stuff that I still have, by pure chance. I have lost more to hard drive failure than I really care to think about, but as all these emails are web-based, it's all still there (for now, knock on wood, salt over shoulder, touch iron, etc. and so forth).

So yeah, I think I've found everyone, again. The down-side is that I'm weirding out about the job situation now. Looking back at all the places I've been and all the people I've met...I want to go back so badly. I want to slip back into that life and those friends...and yet...I know I'm not that same person anymore, similar, yes, but not the same.

At the same time that I want to go into the way-back machine, I want to stop living in the past and really look at where I am in the here and now. Which sounds so very grown up of me, doesn't it? So very progressive and stuff? Almost grounded? Yeah, I'm not fooling myself, either. This is probably why I DON'T delete any of those emails...aside from being rather useful when I have to track someone down? I'm far too susceptible to the "what would have happened ifs."

Big sigh....


Birdsong said...

I think it could be because you have lived in some really great places and knew a lot of good people... nostalgia is ok, and you could even take your new self back to some of those places and you would have a different sort of life. Good luck with this process - it's not easy. And keep that web-based track record of your life as a way to patch up some of those hard-drive-crash losses.

Bezzie said...

I'm right there with you. That nostalgic feeling is intoxicating. I'm just afraid to capitalize on it--because I'm not the same, I know those people/situations aren't either and well, I don't want to ruin my nice memories!