Well, at least on the subconscious level.
The other night I had one of those nightmares. You all with 7+ years together ex-relationship histories might know what I mean without my having to delve into much detail. It's kinda hard to put into words that don't involve my breaking down and wanting to run away, but let's just say soul-wrenching is in the descriptor. As well as maybe "wake up crying/upset/ready to hurt someone." Moaning in that "she's trying to wake herself up" kind of way is also in it. Let's just say I was not all chipper and happy and well-rested when I finally did wake up in the morning.
Right. Well, had I been keeping up with my dream journal I could have told you exactly what the dream was about, cuz it really was haunting me. As I was showering and telling myself I needed to write it all down...and then while drinking coffee I thought about where I might have put that journal but instead started to get my lunch ready...we've been through all this just a few posts ago.
Slowly and surely the dream has vanished...and good riddance, really. All I can tell you is that my X was in it and there was a house and lots of fighting and maybe even another woman, I can't actually tell you for sure by this time as my conscious imagination will happily fill in any and all missing details with it's overactive self.
Well, last night? Apparently it was my turn to be triumphant.
I woke up and the dream was already vanishing! I could not for the life of me tell you what I did, but I was smiling about it. I had this feeling of utter jubilation and I just knew it was because I had bested my X. Just totally won! It was CHECK MATE! JENGA! YAHTZEE! BINGO! All rolled into one! It was my Return of the Jedi finale. I had totally blown up the Death Star and yeah man, it looked just like him! (Wow, if he really has gained that much weight...sorry, I did mention overactive when describing my imagination, after all.)
I think everyone needs a morning like mine at least once a week.