Monday, December 03, 2012

Some Day I WILL have Normal Again

Hi!  Yeah, I know.  And I only have about ten minutes today.

The last two months have been a blur.  They included about 20 hours of overtime, so not the kind of blur induced by too many Vodka Tonics or anything as fun.

I've got a million things going on in my head as well.  It's times like these that a pensieve and/or a therapist would be super handy.  But as I have neither and would actually really prefer a device that I could download everything into to view as a third-party participant...well, there you have it.  The best I can do is scribble as fast as I can into a notebook and read and reread and try to decipher the information myself.  Why not do this with a therapist?  Cuz I would probably lie to them to make the situation not as bad as reality.  I am at least honest with myself about that.  And yeah, that's how bad it is right now.  And the only person I need to judge me, my actions, or those of the people involved?  Yeah, my own.  Because, again, I am being super honest with myself.  I can get loads of awesome and great advice from friends, but really and truly, will I take it?  Exactly.

I've also been seeing someone new for the recurring shoulder trauma/pain.  I feel a little awkward, like I'm cheating on my Osteopath, but ummm, yeah, see, it was a health faire and he was super friendly, plied me with a free back exam and one thing led to the next...and now I'm interacting with his Pain Management guy too.  Okay, I saw him the one time, my follow-up is Wednesday.  There were two needles involved.  I will not go into details because me and needles?  Not a good thing.  But there was a sonogram in the picture too.

Did it work?  Well, the firey burning sensation down my back and down to my fingertips has not happened since, not even after overusing my arm to make gift bag sacks for the craft fair.  Yes, there is still shoulder pain.  Yes, I still find myself waking up in awkward sleeping positions because of the pain.  But there is improvement.  And no, I will not slow down.  I will not do less than what I do.  This is not an option for me.  It sounds bassackwards but I want to heal while doing all the things that "hurt" me so I know that I still can after this treatment is done.

Nothing I do is all that strenuous.  Really.  Well, except for maybe that one time I picked someone up - bodily, not the "hey baby let me buy you a drink" pick up.  Even painting the bathroom ceiling at my mom's house was not something that should make me hurt the way it did.  In fact the only thing I have given up is the driving.

I can't drive for longer than about 1/2 hr at a time without wanting to rip my arm out of its socket.  Or rather, I couldn't.  I haven't tried since starting all this so who knows?!? Maybe that is no longer a "can't."

The bottom line is that I'm trying to keep positive.  Onwards and upwards...or whatnot, right?

1 comment:

Beth said...

Great idea to have a pensieve. But since they aren't created yet, it sounds like you have found a good system for processing things.

By now you may have had another treatment. I hope you are still improving!