*Actual lyrics from "Safety Dance," 'member that one hit wonder?
But before all that...things had to get much, much, MUCH worse.
Last week I came as close as I care to admit to losing my mom. When you sit there, listening her tell the story of the emergency room incident, knitting frantically and wondering if she realizes what she's saying, incredulous as she states, "And they were all speaking in English around me because they didn't think I could understand them, but I heard the young man, he seemed really far away, but I heard him say clearly, 'We're losing her!' before he swore!"
And it was the swearing she was concerned about.
So after Sr. Sister's funeral, my mom just didn't feel right. I'd later learn she wasn't feeling right for an ENTIRE WEEK. But that was after. She was short of breath, dizzy, and her legs wouldn't work all that well. It was her heart. One whole section just kinda stopped working. It is amazing how much blood the other half was able to pump around cuz the lady was STILL following her normal routine. All I can hope is to be that strong when I'm her age.
My SIL insisted she go to the doctor to get checked. While there they went through two blood pressure reading machines insisting they must both be broken because, um yeah, there was no measurable pressure...or heartbeat...well, it was there...30bps or something, and very weak.
So I got the first text when she was getting prepped for an emergency pacemaker operation. There isn't much you can do 1,140 miles away from "home." My brother said I could pray. I started looking for flights to LA instead. And writing emails requesting time off. And figuring out how to get to the airport...
I arrived in time to release her from the hospital. She was in so much pain her face just looked wrong. Not a stroke, not a heart attack...77 years is simply a long time for a heart to go non-stop, it seems. But dammit she was not ready to go. And that makes me glad. I'm not ready for her to go either. She's already said she's determined to look after my nieces four children (my niece is currently 10 and I will not let her make the same "married too young" mistake I made so there are decades to go here, at least).
Being home with her, helping her eat, comb her hair, get dressed? It was almost too much. And yet, not enough. I could not do enough. I baked banana bread. Made her macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, anything and everything she felt like having (yep, not exactly the best diet to follow, but you know what? That was not the point.) And just when I thought I couldn't take any more?
HR calls. I finally broke through the assistant ceiling and they're hiring me on in a very promoted position in a neighboring group at work. To quote "Into the Woods," I'm excited and scared. I start in a couple weeks and am wow, overwhelmed actually. Because when it rains, it pours? And I've hit my quote limit I think.
I'm back in Seattle now. I'm not calling daily, but am making sure she's okay in every way I can. She keeps getting stronger and feeling better and the pain is almost all gone and maybe I'll be able to start sleeping again? Because my desk is COVERED in paper that has to get processed because I'll be moving desks soon and yeah. My life is very full right now. I am absolutely not complaining, just pointing it out for posterity's sake...oh, and listening to bad 80's music so I can stay in a positive mindset. You just can't get too morose listening to Art of Noise (remember them?)
And...back to the game.