The End of Days...Coming to a Mexican Theatre Near You...

So, there's all this hoopla about the latest pandemic/book of revelations/end of daze stuff (isn't it amazing how fast things go from "oh there's a flu-thing" to "OMG WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEE!!!")  And even more hollerings and ponderings as to why it's started in my ancestral homeland.

So pardon me as I don my aluminum foil baseball cap but um...did we all forget the Mayan calendar/2012/end-of-the-world thing already?

Hello crackpot theory from Seattle:  This, of course, is based on the idea that back when the Mayans disappeared it was because they were a super-intelligent race which developed space flight/cool star-trekky teleportation/something similar and POOF!  Gone, in a pre-historic instant!  

So the theory goes that come the "end of the world"/calendar, they are returning to bring their forgotten brothers home (ET-style).  When my people come back in the spaceships, come December 22nd when they start taking a headcount...do you really think there'll be room for 6 billion?  I don't.

I mean, just counting the peeps who live in the D.F. (Day-Effay for full effect), that's over 20 million!  Now I'm no UFO expert, but thems a lot of peeps to stuff in the ships.  So a pandemic here, a war there, it's just what the Mayan witch doctor ordered to keep the numbers in check, or something.

Right, you all think I'm super nuts now, but need I remind you all that TWO states found me sane enough to teach children?  Buahahaha!

Is Writer's Block a Little Like White Coat Syndrome?

I have White Coat Syndrome.

You know, that thing about high blood pressure at the doctor's office but nowhere else?  Yep, that's me.

But the last time, when my doctor asked me if I did?  Explaining what it was and then taking my pressure?  Dropped ten points, just like that.  No really!  As she said, just admitting it to the nurse and/or especially yourself does wonders for your nerves and pressure and BAM!  Well more like, Aaaahhhh, normal numbers.

So after telling you all and my various emailers how bad I am at writing right now because I just can't?  All of my Jack-Handiesque thoughts and nonsense has made their way to the world via blog comments and random one-liner emails and chats and scribbles at stoplights.  (Yes, red-light-writer, bad, very bad...but does it help that I only do it when I know it's a super-long light?  It doesn't, I know...for shame...)

But where was I?  

Right, the nagging thought for the day:

So Seattle is one of those hip-cities that are all about the recycling and stuff, right?  Making it super-easy every year to recycle more and more and mix it all up and feel good about the environment and all that noise.

Well, earlier this month they added more stuff to the list of what can go into recycling.  I'm all down with that.  We can even mix glass with everything else!  Aren't we cool?  

Why is it then that they replaced a big ole' trash-sized recycling dumpster for non-glass items with two "house" sized recycling bins for ALL recyclables?  Sigh... 

Mindblocks are Trippy...

I thought I had writer's block.

But that's not really it.  I can write fine, I can tell you all about how I can't write about anything other than not being able to write.

See my problem?

Every time I sit down to relate the latest wacky thought crossing my mind?  It dribbles away to nothing before I can start typing.  Vanishes like the last wispy veil of the dream you had last night that you just can't remember anymore but it's all on the tip of your brain waiting for you to fall asleep again...because as soon as I get up and walk away from keyboards, pens, pencils, scraps of paper?  Like maybe in the shower or while cubing up chicken breasts or running around delivering my inter-office love notes?  Yep, the words and stories and pictures keep flowing.

If I try to write it down?  All I can think about is how hard it is to remember my great idea.  And I can tell you all about that.

My brain is stuck, blocked, broken.  Or maybe just too jam packed (jammed pack?) with all the weights and worries of the world that I, me, my vioce, we're all trapped beneath it and can't seem to break free right now.

Which is trippy cuz how did I get my previous post out so easily?

TGIF

My Life Looks So Exciting, When Written Down...

Reconnecting with high school friends involves a lot of synthesizing of the last 17 or so years of my life into a few lines of coherent prose. To whit, and because a lot of my history is scattered hither and yon throughout these posts, I shall summarize it all here! And maybe you too will think I am so freakin' cool that I should be in the history books! Or committed! (I've linked to older posts and/or websites for those who want to delve deeper.)

17 Years in 10 Points + Epilogue

1. Just before graduating high school, my best friend and I decided, damn it, we were going to work the 1992 Renaissance Faire (in San Bernardino) if it killed us. I think it almost did. But we were young and adventurous, and immortal and I don't think I ever had that much energy sans caffeine ever again. Adrenaline is a powerful drug, people. So is fear and the abject need not to get into hard drugs or pregnant just before leaving home for college, just sayin'.

2. Technically I did not pack up my room to move away from Los Angeles for reals until after grad school, but as I only really "lived" there during summer breaks, let's agree that mentally? I moved away the summer of 1992 to go to UC Santa Cruz.

3. After many years of schooling and fencing and working horrible hours at the library and being a writing tutor, I graduated in '96 and immediately moved up to "East" Menlo Park (as my students liked to call it) to go to Stanford's Teacher Ed Program and get a Master's degree and my first teaching credential.

4. The spring of '97, just before graduating, in the midst of intense student teaching, final projects, and as a mom-day gift to the women who filled that role in my life, I got married to a fellow I'd met at that 1992 Renaissance Faire.

5. Four years (!) later after learning how to sell books, some accounts receivable, AND actually using my degree teaching 7/8th grade ESL? My world changed. A lot happened in 2001, of course. The one that changed my life forever was that my then husband cashed out the last of his options just before the stock market crashed. Debt free (I know, hate me all you like), we took off to Mexico on a 32 foot sailboat thinking we'd be gone a year.

6. We spent two sailing seasons cruising down the coast of Western Mexico all the way to Zihuatanego, Grro. I was very disappointed that it looked NOTHING like the stretch of beach they used for the movie. But dude! We'd gone 3,000 miles in a sailboat!

7. March of 2003 we set sail to Hawai'i. Yes, same boat. Just the two of us. Yes, 32 feet on deck. We did not kill one another. Didn't even get into one single fight. 29 days. 3,000 more miles. I was the strongest and buffest I will ever be during that trip. We landed in Hilo in April and I was about 40# lighter than I am today. SICK AS A DOG, but damn, I looked good.

8. February of 2005 I was packing the last of my bags and boxes to get the hell out of dodge. In two years I'd earned my second state teaching license, found the sweetest and sassiest, and scariest kids as I taught middle school, met some of the nicest people in the world in our neighbors and friends, and a nightmare of a marriage that ended very badly.

9. I ran away to North Lake Tahoe. As far away from the ocean and tropical weather as possible. I fell back to library work, because my world works in circular patterns...and I took to crocheting them as well (circular patterns) and knitting many many hats and met another set of very nice people that made me think the world is not that bad of a place and everyone has a world of stories in their past and hai! They made it, so could I.

10. In February of 2006 I realized I needed to make real money again but the thought of moving to southern california was too depressing, the bay area was never my thing, Santa Cruz was no longer feasible...in a turn of events that I don't think anyone could have orchestrated, I was but one of a group of friends decided to move to Washington State/the Seattle area at about the same time. It just kinda happened. And remember the circular thing? After temping for a year/year+, I got a job doing accounts payable.

Epilogue: I don't know if I'm going to teach again. The fact that I still wonder about it makes me think I might not mind earning yet another state's credential. I just don't know. In that same vein, I don't know if I'm sticking with accounting. I know...no, I KNOW I'm not living up to my "potential." This is especially true when I run into old school friends who are doing amazing things. And knowing is half the battle, I suppose, but right now this is where I am. And no, I do not have children. I live in a pet-free building, so currently, no animals to call my own either. My relationship status is technically single.

Yes, I was vague in a lot of points because um, if I tell you everything then what do we have to talk about over copious amounts of coffee/cocktails/milk'n'cookies?

Defeat Never Felt So Sweet

Someone else filled the last spot in my division, cue huge sigh of relief.

Now I can go enjoy the sun and daylight after work instead of sitting in my corner trying desperately to knit one more row before dinner, and another after, and another just before bed...

Why do I try then? Two years running and all?

Because I think it makes me knit faster.

Or at least it reminds me that other people out there knit at my pace and I am not such a sl-o-o-o-w knitter, only a slow one :).

I know, I am not a well person.

But it does feel good to sit back and be a cheerleader instead of a competitor, sometimes.

Have I mentioned my OCD Tendencies?

I did not drive back to work last night to look for errant knitting bags.

You have NO IDEA how difficult this was.  It took so much self-control I think I may have blown a fuse.  I know I gave myself a tummy ache.

See:
- LOST would be on before I returned.  Yes, I am addicted, la la la, not listening.

- Did I mention I had no idea where I might have left it?  Yes, I know I've walked almost all the way back to Tim's condo when a mere feet from my own front door in search of a lost item, but this time?  This time involved stops along the way to places long closed (library) and if I didn't immediately find it on my chair at work?  That would only add to my trauma.

- I think subconsciously my arm needed a break.  I have this badly damaged tendon issue that was never resolved and knitting every spare moment of the day after you've been typing and data-entering and pretty much just over-using damaged parts is just plain not smart.

- We're working on smarter, not harder this year.

- I am not OCD!  Shut. Up.

So this morning:

- I collected my knitting bag from the "found" box behind the front desk.  The note said it was found in the back stairwell (I'da never seen it) and signed by the security guard.

What's really silly here?  The knitting contest?  Not much of a big thing to me at this point.  I know I am too slow to win in the more advanced rounds.  The knitting?  I have the pattern at home, there is always more yarn to be purchased, and what a great excuse for new needles!

No, the thing that made my tummy turn inside out was the little bag I've been using to cart my sock knitting projects about.  It was a going-away gift from the last class I may ever teach.  And losing it?  I don't wanna say I'm a big baby or anything...but um, yeah, I think I might have cried a wee bit at seeing it all in one piece...and the word "inconsolable" might have drifted into my thoughts last night if I would never see it again.  I am so not good at losing things.

Which is probably why Andy's advice to me today after I mentioned I'd found my bag was that maybe I should to try to stop being such a space cadet.  Isn't he a sweetie?  Don't you want one of your very own?  This is the kind of thing best friends are for though.

I promise I will be better of keeping track of all my junk.  Less rushing and more planning ahead.

Oh, and planning ahead?  

I'm trekking down to LA la land May 15th - the 24th, leaving at waaaay too early on the 25th, just FYI and all that :).  

Convincing Myself to Wait Until Morning...and Failing

I can't find my knitting bag.

You know, the one that contains my Tokena-in-progress? Which, according to the Ravelry forums I may be the last one they are waiting for to finish. Yeah, that one.

See, I took it to work today because I had a whole real 15 minute afternoon break where I literally put on a timer and just sat and knit while listening to some Nine Inch Nails on super high. I should hang a sign on the back of my chair that says "ON BREAK" or maybe set my screen saver to say "NOT LISTENING" or something similar because I know people walked up behind me and started to ask questions which my supervisor-guy deflected for me.

In a very literal sense (due to seating configuration) he watches my back during these times of "DO NOT BOTHER ME."

I have my ipod. I do not have my little bag.

Crap.

I would so drive to work tonight right this second to get it, but what if it's not there? What if I left it somewhere in between?

See, I rushed out the door. I had errands and stuffed things willy-nilly and no, I did not shut my bag, why would I go and do something like that?

Urgh. My head is starting to hurt.

Everyone's Private Rainbow

I wish you could see my violets. They are so purple! Deep, rich, mysteriously purple. But all I can give you, even after fiddling with Photoshop, is this:



I am far too lazy to look, but I'm almost sure I've mentioned Dr. T., my high school Chem and Physics teacher who taught me more than he may have realized.

He was "shoelace smart," as my friend Pam would say, when it came to Math and complicated thinking. So smart, so very very very smart that the little things like tying your shoelace are so irrelevant a thought that they never stick?

Yeah, he'd start an equation on the board and two lines later it was solved, because he did all the "inconsequential" and "fiddly" bits IN HIS HEAD. We would have been doomed had it not been for Ms. B., Math teacher extraordinaire who would walk us through the page-long explanations to get the magical outcome that Dr. T. insisted was EASY.

I am tangent queen this morning...where was I?

Rainbows. Or at least color spectrum. Dr. T. said everyone always only ever saw their own private rainbow due to combination of water droplets, light, angles and the way our human eyes captured it all and processed it in our brains. He mentioned in passing that possibly purple and red, at either end of the spectrum, were probably the most individualized.

Ah, purples. I've been told that red is the hardest to photograph, is that why? Because we're all seeing our own version of red? And purple aside from being mostly red+blue? And as mentioned, at the end of the spectrum? It has not been the easiest for me to duplicate.

I've tried for days now to get a good picture of my Tokena socks-in-progress as well, and obviously each day the progress is a little more...but the picture? Still not doing them justice. So I fiddled with the Photoshop again:



I'm told I'm still in the running...but unless I get WAY PAST the heel and/or a good deal into the foot area before I go to bed tonight...I may not make it.

On this quiet and reflective Easter Sunday though? Who knows.

Two Steps Forward...

Like getting serenaded* with Whitney (love the hair!**) yesterday at the park wasn't enough to pitch me head first into the 80's...I now have Paula Abdul in all her dancing glory + cartoon cat jumping around in my head...you know the one that goes, sadly, "Two steps forward, two steps back..." But not in the happy-rappy-dancy way?

This is what my socks looked like on Sunday, basking in the sun, having a fabulous time at Gasworks Park as I waited the arrival of L&L&T&B.

This is also what my socks look like again tonight, after "tinking" back the measly 7 rows I painstakingly added to the sock on the right as I realized that somehow? Maybe too much sun? Maybe too many small children and dogs and people with kites? The sun? I completely and totally IGNORED what the chart said to do and put in a couple rows that had absolutely nothing to do with the pattern.

It's not going well, people. Cuz, baybee opposites are not attracting. (Here, get it out of your system, and yes, it really is as bad as you remember it.)

Yeah, good times.

*By serenaded I mean that one lonely guy in that tiny red fishing boat with the very loud speakers and the very dated soundtrack...but it did cause both L&L to burst into song...

**Actually I do love that bow. If that isn't the precursor to the Aretha hat (which I still think I could pull off, shut up) I don't know what is. (ZOMG! Did you know Aretha appears on the video? It's a sign people! Okay, must go away now.)

The Thing About Fish Oil...

So I officially have the lowest blood pressure I've had in years for the last few months.

And maybe I'll find out via the web or maybe you all know? Am I just a shade darker than glow-in-the-dark pasty white because of the fish oil pills or the 1000 mgs of vitamin D? Regardless? I don't mind it at all. Anything to make the day-glow veins look less, well, day-glow, you know?

But the one daily fish oil gel-cappy thing I take? Which, when I read the suggested dosage is only 1/6th the norm? Screws with my head like there was no tomorrow.

Every day, once a day I get this taste in my mouth that tells my brain, "Oh, you had Salmon today already, so no fish for dinner."

And then I do a double take and sometimes actually have to stop whatever I am doing and tell my brain no, no, no, you did not have sashimi for breakfast, that's just the cheapie fish oil pill letting you know it's all swooshy in your tummy, yum! And the next thought promptly becomes, "Am I going to be like when I'm a ditsy little old lady? Stopping myself and pretty much talking (sometimes out loud) to myself to explain things to me?"

At least I'm not doing it in the third person, yet.

O-okay, back to the knitting...cuz I made it through round one (yey me!) and round two started today and I'm still working on the cuffs while everyone else seems to be nearing the heels.