I Just Spent the Best $7 Ever!

But before I go on and on about my new bad-for-the-environment/made-in-china/children's/labor (no I don't know any of this for sure, but hi, $7?), I want to note here, for future reference, when exactly I resigned myself to becoming my mom.

I promise I will not be all, "That'll never be me" again. Because those "nevers" keep disappearing and I keep thinking, "Well, I guess that explains that particular crazy-assed behavior. And it makes PERFECT SENSE! EVERY TIME! I know not why I ever doubted it." (Except maybe, of course, people of the younger generation that will have to deal with me will be shaking their heads and/or saying, "Crazy-assed lady," to themselves about the exact same behaviors I shook my head at. All I can say is, your time will come, oh yes it will.

See, in the last week I almost got cheated out of $60 dollars.

No, some guy in an shiny leather coat did not come up to me all Lucky-Lenny-style to try to sell me a $30 Rolex. We don't seem to have those guys here in Seattle. Down in LA? I've been offered "leather" jackets, "gold" necklaces, roller skates, even a laptop by fellows (and ladies, let me not be sexist here) in semi-nice looking get-ups trying to scam you out of your fun money (usually at gas stations, in case you're curious).

No, this near loss of almost 4 hours worth of wages has happened at two grocery stores and, well, depends what your Target looks like, I was just going to say Target but my second (or third) topic of conversation today was, when did Target become a grocery store?

Okay, okay, I get that cashiers are only human and they might punch in the wrong code and charge me for $40/oz saffron instead of the $4/lb cumin for the million bulk items I tend to buy, this explains the two grocery incidents. I mean, the numbers can be very very similar and if they have been at the register all day? I get it, bound to happen. And I only noticed it as I stood there and read the names of my items and thought, hmm, I didn't buy saffron, nor did I buy tangerines. Both times we all laughed about it because yeah, I definitely did not have $35 worth of saffron and nope, mushrooms and tangerines look nothing like one another.

But scanning? I've been there, I've done it. The formula has not changed in those 14 years:
One beep = one item.
Two beeps = did I just scan this twice?

And to that Target cashier, I have to say, yes you did. I saw you stop, I saw you look at what you had in your hands, and then I saw you CONTINUE TO SCAN THE REST instead of looking to see if you had one too many items on your screen.

Were this item the $1.00 magnetic note pad I found in the dollar bins (love those bins by the way) even I would have said, too much trouble, or maybe even the gum. But it was that tiny pack of refill blades from my razor. You know, the ones you use until they won't shave no-more because they cost a mint to replace? Yep, I kinda noticed the $20 jump in price there immediately.

She apologized when I mentioned it, and really, her eyes getting that wide was enough for me to see that she hadn't realized how much that wee little box cost, but still, I totally get each and every store visit I ever made with my mom as a kid. She watched hawk-like as the prices appeared on the little LED screen and would not let us talk to her or interrupt her as she stood there making sure the numbers didn't go against what she knew the item cost. At the time I totally thought she was bonkers.

I mean, why would the cashier charge her the wrong price? A million apologies mami, I will never doubt your paranoid old-lady ways again, especially as they have saved me from spending and extra $60 in the last 7 days.

But the $7 purchase that I did make...

I bought a belt!

Okay, I know this is only awesome news to you if you too have taken to wearing the newer style of jeans/pants out in the world of fashion and noticed almost immediately that none of your belts fit anymore because they were bought back in the day when we all wore our pants "at the waist."

So I've been going without. And this is fine for the "first wearing" of most of my clothes. And as most of my clothes are work clothes and accounting work is dirtier than you'd think (paper = dusty like you would not believe, and stress = sweat, so I wash, often.) I put off buying a belt to go with the new sit-on-my-hips pants. After-all, aren't hips there to stop the pants from sliding down, right? And with the main reason I've had to buy all my new pants, my permanent lovely lady lump, there is no way I will ever have a wardrobe malfunction at work.

Then, I got my very favorite pair of jeans. They are "curvy" jeans from Eddie Bauer. They are super comfy because they are JUST DENIM and not a lick of spandex that seem to be in all the other girl jeans I have recently acquired (hello 80s? I have your pants). But after wearing them for 10 minutes, I understand the need for the spandex. They go from sitting "just below my waist" to "on my hips" to "why is my crotch keeping me from taking a step" in 20 seconds flat. Attractive, I know. This does not make running errands all over Seattle a happy thing.

So, in a moment of WTF, Target basket in hand, I walked over to the Accessories department and was ready to plop down some serious cash for something that would keep me from having to haul my pants up every three steps.

That's when I noticed that all the belts I was looking at were $6.99. A sign from the gods of fashion, or something. Whatever the case, I grabbed one that fit and put it on right there. I had no idea why I waited so long to get a belt. The difference was amazing, life altering, almost. Seriously, as far away from home as I was, and Target being only the first of 3 stops I was planning on making, I was ready to go home and give up today's excursion.

As I was in line taking off the belt to get ready to pay, I noticed the lady in front of me asking for her belt to not be placed in the bags and was there a pair of scissors she could use to clip off the plastic bits that I had pretty much ripped off with my bare hands. The cashier said she didn't have a pair so as her husband paid I told the woman I could do that for her as I'd done mine about 20 minutes prior. Then she and I both laughed because we were both buying "emergency" belts so we could run our errands today.

But yeah, before I sign off...I know it's been a while since my last visit, but um, when did Target start selling so many groceries? And really I wouldn't find it so odd except for the fact that the motors for all the cooling fridges and freezers drown out all the noise in the store, so it's just you choosing your shampoo down the way from the wall of frozen pizzas. Not that it's all that different from the big grocery stores out there, except for the fact that I can see the women's clothing section from their chip aisle and that seems kinda weird to me.