Mischeif Managed...

I'm ba-ack.

But I'm not in the right headspace. Too many things going on in there lately. I need to cut back on the over-dwelling and digging up of old memories. They hurtses us something awful sometimes. But it's like...how can I explain so I don't sound too birken-stocky for your tastes?

But really now, you've read about how I must tell a story/dream to make it reality, if you didn't leave then...it's kinda the opposite for some of my memories. I share them with friends and family to get them out of the lurking subconscious so they won't haunt me at my most vulnerable...when I'm sick or tired or...of late, sleeping.

I've had some very poor nights recently where I'm dreaming a scene from my real life but the "players" are all the wrong people. Or maybe I should just say that the main player, the one whom I'm having a great conversation with, watching the stars with, programing the VCR with...that person becomes all wrong. That's when I find I'm slipping into nightmare mode and the cause is one big, bad X who I'd rather went to far far away and stayed there...I mean really now, just when I think I'm all done and over and oh-blah-de, oh-blah-da, life goes on, yeah! He comes back...urg.

It's like those bad b-movies I watched as a kid where the main character thinks the guy helping him/her out is this swell fellow and s/he thinks they're gonna be okay and so UNLIKE The Goonies where the big-bad is actually a sweetie, this big-bad turns out to be the deranged/serial killer/devil?

Yeah, those kind of dreams. But my X plays center stage and I don't realize that he's not my older or younger brother, or my uncle or Lev or Andy or even Richard until he starts ranting and going off on me and laughing that awful laugh that makes me realize I'm in hell and would rather like to wake up now, please...but can't because I suck at controlling my dreams.

Because of this I am distracted and would much rather inundate myself with diverse things as NPR podcasts or reading teen novels that frustrate me cuz it's kinda obvious the author has never driven a vehicle encumbered by snow chains and that whole poetic Justice/suspending my disbelief is rather limited and yet! I can't stop reading the damned thing.

I think it's because her vampire universe is so much more positive and happy than the Buffy-verse or the world of Anne Rice. Or rather, that's my theory. If I wasn't longing for shiny happy things...and yes, I will interrupt myself just here...I guess I do believe this book about danger and dying and bad things happening to good people is light and happy compared to what's swirling in my head just now...The mid-sentence revelations in my blog posts are such amazing things to me. But yeah, if it weren't for that I think I'd have had to ditch the book by now.

See, I know it's all about anxiety and if I just chilled a little more the eye tick would go away and I could sleep better and maybe my tummy would stop it's weird gurgling rumble-nauseous trend and life would slowly get better...but I just got back from L.A. and gah! Life and stress and not enough people at work and the end of the year and did I mention stress? It's a bit much right this second...

And it was 42 degrees on my drive to work this morning. As much as I could not stand the heat of "autumn" in Los Angeles... (more in my next post) I was really rather missing my sweat glands this morning.

On the Ground...

I was not lying to work when I said my family does not believe in the internets.

One of the first tasks I took on was to fix the family my little brother's computer.  Hello land of viruses!  I think I might have been infected by one...or maybe it's all the smoke wreaking havoc with my lungs?  Dude, fire season is upon LA and I'm just amazed.  Why go camping?  You can get that burning smell in your clothes and hair by just walking outside to your car!

It's no longer that bad this morning, a, yup, it really is 4 AM.  No, we are not a family of party-hardies...I do not know what I'm doing up except for the fact that I woke myself up by scratching too hard...my skin is so dry I want to either dip myself in a vat of cream...or rip the whole thing off and have it done with.

Good times, oh yeah.

So, seeing as I am cough, cough, the computer expert 'round here...I was able to reinstall the system and almost get it back to the factory settings...almost.  Can anyone tell me why there is no longer any sound?  I thought I'd installed all the drivers necessary, but um, nothing.  No, I have not done the internet search thing, mostly because I'm still looking for the paperwork/the right buttons to click to find what kind of sound card is in this machine.

Am I the only one laughing at the fact that the former English major is the one finessing the set up of the computer?  I own a mac for a reason, people!

Anywho...I really should try to get some more sleep before the craziness of my family's regular schedule starts up...and as awful as I look, I was tempted to try to get a picture of where I am sitting so that you too could be startled/play that game where you find the hidden objects when you realized that you I am surrounded by an army of sundry google-eyed stuffed animals in various states of wear.  No really, the water-winged Elmo that is "peeking" over my shoulder to read the screen just about made me jump through my papery dry skin. 

Theatre of the Absurd

I think I must really hate to travel.

Or I am too big of a procrastinator for my own good...

Except I tend to make work deadlines pretty well...okay maybe 1.5 hours over today...but I was also working up cheat sheets for the peeps taking over my daily tasks next week. What a horrible little drone I am, vacaying while short-staffed. I apologized profusely but there were both plane tickets and my sanity to think about. It's been YEARS since I've seen my mom.

And yeah, it would be 12:20 AM, and nope, I'm not ready to go.

I did not take this long to pack for Italy...what is wrong with me?

Okay, maybe it's because my head is too full right now...maybe I can use this post as a bit of a pensieve.

- A couple of days ago, a friend of mine forwarded a link to a contest being run by the woman who used to be my best friend in high school--but is now not communicating with me. I guess it was nice to know she is still alive and stuff...but it kinda made me very sad and not want to go to LA. She lives there. There is a one in 5 million chance we'd bump into one another...but my odds are very strange of late.

- Please peruse a picture that I took last night in the parking lot:
It's hard to make out, but well, it's my passenger door which thanks to my lovely lady hump, got bumped open by complete and random chance and accident as I was pulling out the groceries. I freaked!

Why? Because I've related just how close the spots are to one another before, right? The object mere centimeters from my oh-so-big-and-metalic-and heavy-door?
That would be my neighbor's side view mirror that I didn't whack. Not even a touch or a bump or anything (boy are our cars dusty!) But I may as well have, the adrenaline rush was quite something.

I'm on some kind of a weird streak. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket? No really:

- Everything I thought of taking of taking with me? FITS into my carry-on. Yes, mostly shorts and short-sleeved shirts...and my birks. It's to be 90 degrees and clear pretty much all week. I'd be jealous of me too if it wasn't east LA I was going to. Now Maui? That would make me green. What totally sucks is that it'll be about 40 degrees going and returning...will I be the only one in line for LA wearing a pea coat and scarf?

Must finish packing...down to that thing I keep reading about on all the blogs and am so perplexed about, really...WHAT PROJECT AM I TAKING?!?! Really now, this is silly. 7 days, the pair of socks for my mom that I might just finish and hand to her right then and there, right? Sounds like a plan to me...and yet, what if I get bored with that, what if I need something else...Gah! What a nightmare!

I need sleep.

I Fell Into an Event Horizon

Or something.

Still here...but um, yeah, nothing to write about as I'm currently busting my patootie to get my work piles in some kind of order for the vacay.

I need a rent-a-mom to keep me from choosing "Bunny Tracks" flavored ice cream over the only slightly less bad for me insta-salad and tortellini.

And no I haven't packed, haven't refilled my prescription, haven't even started writng up, much less crossing off the list of things I should have done by Saturday...I leave Saturday! When did that happen?

And my throat hurts...but I can't tell if it's because it's been so "dry-feeling" out (yeah, it's like misty and/or raining off and on for the last week and everyone is noting how "dried out" they/their skin/sinuses/throats feel...or if it's "that cold" that everyone is passing back and forth and all around at work.

Oh about LA AND the weather? Tell me there isn't something just W.R.O.N.G. with the world when weatherunderground is telling me it will be ninety-freakin'-four degrees at my parents' house on SATURDAY. I am not even kidding.

Today, I Have Hope...

Cuz my boss-guy comes back from vacay, kaloo kalay!

I get to pass on my mantel of responsibility back to him!

Hurray! Dance of Joy! Bust out the PEZ and fizzy drinks!

I will poke out of my little world only after this cup has passed on to someone else, because really, keeping it super local here (like just in my head and what I've been knitting) is the only thing that has kept me from losing it lately.

Here's something else I finished, and a peek at my new glasses:
Presented with my new self-portrait discovery*, and my very wet tendril-like hair, Andy's new and improved hat! For the man who is very comfortable with his sexuality...actually the colors are WAY more subdued in real life, but yeah, there is a little pink in there.

So um, specks....

There were very small needles...US2's I think...and some German yarn...I think....why do I bother?

I cast on a million stitches though...well nearly. Somewhere in the world of 146. I knit until it was twice the length of my pinkie, folded the brim and connected the cast on to the live stitches cuz we are really bad with the hemming of things....then kept going, making Andy try and try and try it on until it was long enough and then the double decreasing started...I think I did PSSOs this time. And then it sat on the bookshelf for a while until I finally wove in ends (there was a knot in the yarn and I'd already finished it once...but TOO SMALL and yeah, had cut the yarn...)...but now, it's done.

Just in time for winter.

*And a hint to all your bathroom self-portrait peeps? Stand in front of your mirror like always, but point the camera at yourself. The LCD will reflect BEAUTIFULLY in the mirror and you will know just what you are taking a picture of. And NO NEED to go through the trouble of cleaning that mirror first!

There May Have Been Some Knitting

So I should probably start dating my knitting BC and PC....Before Camera and Post Camera...seeing as I gave baby L&L her hat sans pictures...and even Lev got his hat with nary a snarling picture to document it...

Yeah, part of it is the laziness factor...part of it is that Lev's hat was still wet when he stuck it on his head...no excuses for the baby hat though...

But I finished this guy last night:
I haven't measured him, and yes, this one is a "he," but he's definitely longer than I am tall.

I really only need a scarf long enough to go around my neck a couple times...and yet...maybe it's the buried Dr. Who fanatic in me...and the absolute OCD-heebie-jeebies that left-over yarn gives me...if it is a scarf, I must use up ALL THE YARN for it...so I get stuff like this...fit for a person much much taller...or um much much colder than I.

More details once it's dry.

No Productive Week-Ending for Me

Does it shock and surprise you that I accomplished nothing this weekend?

I do have to get on the ball really soon. My dad's b-day is coming up and then immediately afterward is my trip to my parents' house and have I even let anyone know? Well, yeah, hi, I know you know...but except for Richard, I'm thinkin' most of the folks who read here don't live in LA anymore/ever did.

And I lie. There is one thing that has been on my list for 3 years now that I can finally cross off...for at least another 7 years...that is, if it lasts that long. I made a side trip on Saturday on the way to the grocery store... I finally upgraded my sony cybershot to the W-170. To give you a hint as to how long I've been plotting, planning, and saving? The W-55 was the one I had had my eyes on...and it had cost almost as much back in the day. 'Member, I own the cybershot, um 1.
I have to say it's a very satisfying feeling to spend money that I saved and set aside for. It really was no big thing to fork over cash I hadn't counted as part of anything but "camera money" for so long. Such a different feeling than BAM! Here's an expense you had no idea was coming and YOU OWE BIG, pay up, NOW. (Yeah, thinking about the accident bills my insurance will no doubt deny coverage on...just because...but then again...I am an odd duck and have emergency doctor bill money set aside as well.)

Where was I? Right! Pretty pictures! From my camera!
I mean, I really really really appreciate Andy letting me steal his camera so as to avoid fighting with my fisher price cybershot (1.3 megapixels, baybee), but I really really really will need my own to capture the sights and sounds of my niece and nephew.

Yeah, we had a whole 2 hours of sun yesterday...Andy took advantage and flew his kite. I took advantage and stood out on the hill and played with my camera.

It takes movies...with SOUND...but I don't know how to post those just yet...and they sound like "WHOOOSH, WHOOOSH, WHOOOSH" from the wind blowing anyway...not exactly exciting.

Happy Monday!

If You Give an Accountant a Pumpkin

Remember how I mentioned the "Superman" song last post?

Right, well, seeing as I am superhuman, in my head, along with everything else going on...I volunteered to help out with the pumpkin carving contest at work. I was in charge of the tombstones:
Do click for big, we went all out with the details. We were so very proud! We were so very current! We were so very "scary" (to the accounting department at any rate). We were so very not the winners...

See, I don't want to seem all stereotypical about the groups of people who entered the contest...but I gotta be honest...our group is very creative, but cheap. I know, I know, we're the people that pay the bills and reconcile trips and make sure that you are not spending the company's money in errant ways...duh, it makes sense that we didn't go out and buy or use the embellishments that the winner's did...did I mention cheap? But it was fun. It is really cool how into it all the groups got. I do not begrudge the winners at all. I mean, it's not like we were in last place or anything.

Though I'd have had some words if this one had won:

I didn't get a picture of the winning pumpkin...by the time I had a free moment AND the camera in hand they'd already moved it off to the Halloween party location...which I skipped as I was ready to drop by 5 PM.

Bring on the weekend....